Funny Texts & Jokes

Funny Texts & Jokes

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Funny Riddles What is the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation! More Funny Riddles new Funny Insults There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it! More Funny Insults Funny SMS Texts & Messages What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later." More Funny SMS Texts & Messages More Funny texts! Actual writings on hospital charts: 1. she has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993 ... More actual writings on hospital charts Said in court Baked beans 50 fun things to do in the elevator: 1. Make race car noises when people get on and off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!" More 50 fun things to do in the elevator Arkansaw drivers license application Men v.s. Woman: The perfect day for her: 8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses 8:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants ... More Men vs Woman Bar phrases and translations Bumper sticker sayings The perfect employee The Shit List! Ghost shit You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl. Teflon coated shit Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it! ... Read the The Shit List Wisdom and questions 22 things not to say to a cop Legless parrot 63 ways to piss off a cop Make your room mate crazy Things to say to telemarketeers Little kiss Things you wouldn't know without movies I want my pictures back The tree stars Things in football that sound dirty - but aren't Reasons for making/ not making love Three little ducks Whom you should marry Four catholic woman Little Johnny and Mom Dad Water the bushes Blind man Wich one is married Another dumb blonde Gravity defying tequila Hollywood lesson Blind man and blonde Reason for asking Little Johnny and little Margaret Bill Gates in Hell Top ten lists: TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED ... 10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk". 9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial. 8. The cat is on Valium ... More of the Top ten lists Stupid questions: 1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress? 2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth? 3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed? 4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"? ... More Stupid questions A girls first time Poor guy Kiss without touching lips Towel drop Laughing horse A helping hand Unzip the skirt

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